The intimate nature of the marriage relationship affords ample opportunities for husbands and wives to emotionally wound one another. When married partners disagree, for example, on what kind of car to buy, they can usually quickly arrive at a workable solution. When they wound one another’s spirits, however, the path to reconciliation becomes a significantly greater challenge.

A wife has a deep longing for her husband to provide spiritual leadership in the home. She reacts against him when she senses that she and the children do not have first place in his life. When he seems to be preoccupied with other people, possessions or activities, she begins to doubt his love and she becomes insecure. When a husband senses that his wife is reacting to him out of insecurity, he should make a sincere effort to express his love to her by meeting her needs, by spending time with her and by reassuring her of his firm commitment to be the spiritual head of the home.

A husband, on the other hand, instinctively longs for his wife’s respect and admiration. When she consistently expresses criticism and disapproval of his decision-making ability he becomes defensive and reactionary. A wife must learn to question her husband in a manner that demonstrates her eagerness to help carry out his decisions for the good of the family.

When men and women react against one another in one or more areas of marriage, their sexual relationship is almost always adversely affected. As they approach the sexual arena of marriage, husbands and wives are a study in near-opposites.

He generally enjoys sex any time, any place. He seems to be jet-propelled by passion although he often runs out of gas in other areas of family life, such as completing handyman projects or consistently leading family devotions. She possesses as great a capacity as her husband for sexual enjoyment, but her mood, energy level and surrounding environment all have great bearing on her sexual desire and response. Soft lights and relaxing music or tender, romantic words have a marked effect on her degree of arousal. The very sight of his wife’s body can stimulate him almost instantly, but she is excited more gradually, like a slow-burning ember.

As husbands and wives learn to respond lovingly and patiently to one another’s sexual differences they will experience greater joy and satisfaction in this important aspect of marriage.

When marriage partners continue to react against one another and inflict emotional wounds on each other, they damage the very spirit of their marriage. Their relationship is in danger of ultimate failure. The writer of Ephesians 5:21 instructs husbands and wives to submit themselves to one another in the fear of the Lord. Spouses who choose to walk in obedience to this command will experience the Lord’s blessings and benefits.

Dr. Don Dunlap, a pioneer in the placement of Pastoral Counselors in the offices of Christian physicians, has conducted over twenty thousand appointments during his ministerial career. His counseling practice includes adults, children and families in crisis. Dr. Dunlap is committed to facilitating a network of telephone counselors. His goal is to provide help for the many people unable to meet face to face with a competent Bible-based counselor. For a complete library of Dr. Dunlap’s articles, indexed by topic, go to Family Counseling Ministries. You may also make an appointment for personal telephone counseling by clicking on Family Counseling Ministries. Family Counseling Ministries is a Christianity.com ministry Partner.

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